Dealing with a loss of a parent

Gorgeousgirl 7 years ago

3 replies

Edited by Gorgeousgirl 7 years ago

My mum passed away 4 months ago and ever since I’ve just felt empty. I haven’t really felt extremely upset or angry I’ve just felt empty. I thought that it hadn’t really hit me yet that mum has died but it’s been four months. Has anyone else felt like this? It’s almost as if I’ve blocked it out of my thoughts and don’t really think about it. People say that I should be thinking about her all the time and I’m not. Does that make me really insensitive? I feel like I should be missing her so much but I just feel empty. Anyone else felt like this? I’m also 15 and just about to take my GCSEs. I find it really hard to concentrate and just spend most of the time just staring at something thinking about nothing. My mum had a stroke and then I went away for a week on a school trip thinking everything would be fine. Two days after I came back we got told by the doctors that she had secondary cancer and would only have about a week to live so it was all very quick. It was a tremendous shock and I spent her final week with her in the hospital. I went back to school 5 days after her death. School have been ok. They spoke to me once with a group of my friends and said to all of us that they are there if any of us want support. Then another teacher who I know quite well spoke to me and said they had recommended that I have grief support at school but I’ve not heard anything of it. I’m not the kind of person that asks for help so I haven’t diligently gone up to anyone and said I would like to talk. If help was offered I’d take it but I wouldn’t ask for it. I live with my dad and have no idea how well he is coping. He seems ok. He suddenly bursts into tears a few time especially on what would have been their 25th wedding anniversary but I don’t know how he is at work.

Support 7 years ago

Hi Gorgeousgirl,

I am sorry to read about the death of your mum. It is important for you to know that everybody deals with grief differently and there is no right or wrong way for you to react. There are many stages to dealing with grief and it could be that you are still in shock. Being able to talk to somebody you trust can sometimes help to begin the process of understanding. However everybody reacts in their own unique way and you don’t have to fit in with people’s expectations.

You have been very brave to reach out for support by contacting ourselves and if you want to talk to us you could ring our Freephone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or you might want to speak to one of the teachers that you trust. We have lots of information about understanding grief which you can find here, reading through this may help. It also has links to lots of helpful organisations that also provide support to young people.

If you are happier reaching out for support online you might want to take a look at http://hopeagain.org.uk/. This is website specifically for young people who have been bereaved.

There is also support available for your dad either via the website or by him calling. It could be that he is trying to be strong for you, which is why he appears to be coping but again it is important that he grieves and it is ok that sometimes he is in tears. Anniversaries and special dates can be more difficult to cope with and maybe the two of you can share some time together remembering and talking about your mum, thereby supporting each other.

Best Wishes

Brigette

 (Marie Curie Support Line)

Lostandlonely 7 years ago

Hi, my grandad died in my arms in August and I felt exactly as you do for a while, I still do in fact except now I have days where I can not stop crying, where as before it was just the numbness. Mostly I feel lost and lonely and even sometimes angry. One thing I've learnt though is that everyone deals with things differently and there is no right way to grieve. Everything you are feeling is totally normal, I'm sure your mum would be so proud of you no matter how you do on your GCSEs so please don't put too much pressure on yourself x

Support 7 years ago

Hi lostandlonely,

I am sorry to read about the death of your granddad. Being present at the end of a loved ones’ life is a powerful experience and can stay with us in various ways for quite some time. From what you have shared you seem to have a good understanding of the impact of grief and the range of emotions we can all experience, and how to reassure yourself and others that this is normal.

If you need a listening ear, you are welcome to call the Freephone Support Line on 0800 090 2309, or drop us a line via Web Chat:

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help

Best Wishes

Claire (Marie Curie Support Line)